Call companion training
Training 4: Addressing difficulties
It's possible that, at some point, you may encounter challenges in your call companion role. Since you are supporting the older person by phone, you are in a familiar environment where you feel relaxed and comfortable. It can sometimes be easy to forget then that you are also representing an organisation that has established policies and procedures, as well as rules and boundaries for the relationship you are building with the older person. However, it’s important that you recognise you won’t always be able to respond to the older person the way you would in your personal relationships.
Enforcing boundaries
The call companion service has boundaries and limits, and it can be challenging to enforce those boundaries without shutting down the conversation with the older person. The older person may be reluctant to accept that you will only be calling them once a week, for example, or they may want you to give them advice.
Remember that you are not there to give advice, or to tell them what to do about situations in their life. It’s not part of the role of a call companion to solve the older person’s problems for them. You are there as a listening ear and a supportive ongoing relationship for them by phone.
If the older person does ask you for advice, rather than tell them what to do, you could offer to talk through with them what they think their options might be and how they feel about each option. In this way, you can help them to find their own solutions or see their own way forward. Please be aware that any advice you give could be seen as advice on behalf of Re-engage and that's not the service we are providing.
We know that difficulties can arise between an older person and a volunteer from a conflict of expectations. The older person will have been informed that advice such as financial advice cannot be given by their call companion, but they may forget so a gentle reminder may be needed. You could refer them back to their conversation with the Re-engage team.
If the older person is asking you for something you can’t provide, you will need to clarify that you can't deal with their problems directly. You will have information to hand in your signposting list that you can pass on to them about other national services that may be able to help them.
You can find all the information you need on the boundaries of the call companion role in your volunteer handbook. It is essential that you maintain these boundaries and, as always, let us know if there is anything you are unsure about.
Difficult conversations
You may experience conversations with your older person in which they want to talk about things that are upsetting or difficult for them, and where they are in distress. Those conversations can be challenging for you to deal with, both at the time and afterwards.
When someone is feeling distressed, simply feeling really listened to can be very powerful. You can provide that listening ear. You don’t need to be able to fix the problems.
When someone is upset, telling them to look on the bright side or just changing the subject can feel dismissive of their feelings. Instead, you should use your active listening skills as practised in Training 2 to help them talk through their feelings.
Here are some helpful things to say if you're feeling stuck (of course, these are just examples, you can use phrasing you are comfortable with):
- It’s OK, just take your time
- How long have you been feeling this way?
- Are you able to tell me more about this?
- How is this affecting you day to day?
- How are you coping with that?
- It sounds like you’re struggling at the moment
The elements of active listening that we’ve looked at can help us express empathy. Tone of voice, pace and using silences etc are also important. All of this gives an older person space and time to think, and enables them to talk about things that can be difficult or painful for them to express. Just by listening to others, we allow them to sort through confusing and difficult thoughts and feelings that they might not have been able to talk about before.
Offloading
After you’ve had a conversation with an older person in distress, it's quite likely that you yourself may be feeling upset or distressed. It’s important that you take steps to offload those feelings and talk to someone about it. Since the older person has the right to privacy, you may not be able to talk about their situation fully with your family or friends, but you can always talk to the Re-engage team.
People generally volunteer with Re-engage because they want to help people. They want to give something back and make a positive difference. When you support an older person through your volunteering role, you will often give something of yourself because it helps you empathise and build rapport. You do this because you care, but you must also make sure you look after yourself.
Things can affect us more deeply than we perhaps expect them to and that's completely normal and understandable. Please don’t feel you should be able to manage these feelings on your own, or that you are burdening anyone else with them if you want to talk about it. It's essential to seek support after a conversation that has left you feeling distressed.
Difficult matches
Sometimes the calls can be difficult and an older person may struggle to engage. Be patient - it may be that they have simply lost the art of conversation and it may take them some time to regain their confidence. However, if your calls remain difficult, please speak with the Re-engage team for added support. Talking it through can help and is an opportunity to share ideas of how to approach the calls to get the best from them.
You may also find conversations difficult because the content is of a negative nature, particularly around health concerns. It's important not to be dismissive and to be an active listener as best you can. However, sometimes helping to steer the conversation to a more positive topic can help lift the older person's spirits and distract them from their health issues.
Should you have concerns about whether the older person is a suitable match for you, or they experience changes in their health such as hearing or memory, then please do speak with the Re-engage team. They will support you and let us know so we can address any concerns.
Endings
The call you make to the older person is extremely important to them, and possibly the only social contact they will have all week. This means it can be very difficult to allow the contact to end, for both of you. They may feel as if they have been ‘held’ by you for the duration of the conversation and it can be difficult to let go, so please be as gentle as you can when winding up the call, understanding the older person’s reluctance for the call to be over.
One way to finish the conversation is by looking ahead to what they will do after the call has ended, even if it's something as simple as having a cup of tea or getting something to eat. If you have agreed to read, watch, or listen to the same thing before next week as discussed in Training 3, remind them that you will talk about it in your next call.
Also, always end the call by reminding the older person when you will speak to them next.
Missed calls
From time to time an older person may miss their pre-arranged call. In most cases, there is a simple explanation for this, from forgetting all about it to being distracted by an unexpected appointment or visitor. However, we understand it can be a worry when they don't pick up the phone as arranged.
This is what you should do.
Call companions should make three calls five minutes apart:
- In the first call, leave a message informing the older person that you have called and that you’ll call back in five minutes (if you are able to leave a message).
- In the second call, leave a message informing the older person that you have called and that you’ll call back in five minutes (if able to leave a message).
- In the third call, leave a message asking them to call Re-engage on 0800 716 543 and then contact the Re-engage team by emailing knowledge@reengage.org.uk (office hours 9am-5pm Monday to Friday) to let them know what has happened.
One of the Re-engage team will try to contact the older person the following day and will keep the call companion updated if we have been able to speak to the older person. If we are still unable to reach the older person, we will ask the call companion to try them again the following week and to update us on their progress.
If the older person misses their call the following week, then both the call companion and Re-engage should follow the above process again. Should attempts to contact the older person still be unsuccessful for a second week, the call companion should contact the Re-engage team again by emailing knowledge@reengage.org.uk (office hours 9am-5pm Monday to Friday).
The Re-engage team will then attempt to get in touch with the individual and use any additional contact information held to gain an update.
Support and help
If you have any questions about this service, or if anything comes up during your calls with the older person that causes you concern, please get in touch with the Re-engage team. Always remember you can contact them if you are worried or concerned about anything in the call, or how you feel the call went. We also have a library of FAQs which may address your question.
If you need to contact someone at Re-engage directly you can email knowledge@reengage.org.uk (office hours 9am-5pm Monday to Friday).
Self-reflection
Think about what kind of wording you would be comfortable using to respond to a direct query from an older person looking for advice or practical help.
Make yourself familiar with the signposting list, so that you know what information is available to you in advance of any questions that the older person might ask.